Are you in love with the Ruach? Are you with 10 women a week although you have a wife? Are you still having sex for cash although you are earning $1.5 million dollars an hour as a designer of furnishings? Ah Ah..I don't know if you understand what I am trying to say to you! God loves you!

So, there is forgiveness in the Lord. See 1st John 1:9.  Even the greatest minister is still approaching perfection after many years of service. We know the frailty of Moses in obedience and also of David and Noah.  God can forgive anything as you sojourn in faith while you recognize consequences in your actions.  But, there is a certain resonance in temperament that you must have if you are to bring your faith into public and minister.  There is a resonance that people will expect you to have although everyone must recognize that the minister is a work in progress.    Are you trying to kill someone who you were told lived uptown all his life since you lived in public housing? You are in church. You are a minister in church, a robust and healthy looking full figured Creole woman, yet you say you will feel better if that individual who you thought lived uptown all his life has nothing.  Why would that be your emotion and your intention if you are ministering spirit in a house of God?     What about the miracle of forgiveness? It is the essence of Christ's power on or off of the cross.  It is the essence. It is your first kata or discipline.   If you know the first lesson really well, then you know the last lesson.   Can you make forgiveness for past and current hurts and disappointments a habit until your thoughts become congruent with the thoughts and mind of Christ?  Christ would never wish hurt on anyone.  It does not grow and hasten the Kingdom of light if you hope and wish that which is consistent with the mind of the enemy of your soul.  You call that spirit Satan.